STBUC

STBUC

THE DOWNSIDE TO PARKING IN A GARAGE?

January 17th, 2010

I park my Tahoe in the garage every night and let me tell you I love being able to do that. Thank heavens i have
one vehicle that fits in the garage, barely fits, but fits none the less. Now some of you may think there is no
downside to parking in the garage and I can understand that. However in my world there is a small downside.
Okay, maybe there is only a downside in my world!
Remember me writing about not remembering what a post-it was on my desk for? My memory seems to fail
me sometimes. This may be part of the reason there is a downside to parking in the garage. See, my problem
is I always leave wearing or not wearing the wrong thing! When you don’t go outside to get in your car you can
forget what the weather was when you looked outside and not be dressed appropriately.
Maybe I should give you a visual here because I know you are thinking when you open the garage door you
definitely see the outside! Well I go into the garage and on my way in press the big button to open the garage
door. Then I continue to get into my Tahoe without waiting to look outside. I get my seatbelt fastened, glasses
on, and start to drive. I don’t always remember the weather until I get outside and rain starts falling on my
windshield. Luckily I’ve only had the sunroof open a couple times when driving into the rain.
I get my Tahoe out into the elements and close my garage door. About that time is when it clicks with me that I
forgot my coat or I shouldn’t be wearing the sweatshirt or I left something else behind. Sometimes, like
yesterday, it doesn’t occur to me that I forgot my coat until I’m a quarter mile from my house and it occurs to
me it is raining and I have no coat. Oops! Then there is this dilemma. Do I go back in the house and get the
coat or change the shirt. Do I re-open the garage door or do I turn off the Tahoe and go through my front
door? Oh my goodness so much work! The Tahoe is already started, but does the garage door need to be
opened one more time, I mean I’m sure it only has so many automatic opens left in it (I already need to readjust
it to close tighter again). At this point i sometimes say screw it and deal with not wearing the right thing. Other
times I go inside and change my shoes, get the coat, or whatever.
Is it just me that has this issue? Umm…you really don’t have to answer because I know it probably is.
I’m not complaining though, just letting you know the little stupidity that occurs in my world. I mean parking in
the garage has its benefits…no scraping ice, car is not freezing in the morning, car is not hot on summer
mornings, I can roll down my windows and let the smell of fast food out if I had some for lunch. Lots of good
things.
There is another issue with parking in the garage leading to not knowing neighbors, but we will discuss that
another time. I have a friend coming for dinner and need to get things ready.
BTW – I did try uploading video of me being stupid like I said I would try to do on my last depressing entry, but
it didn’t work. Stupid SmartSpace. I’ll work on that because it is amusing to see me be such a dumbass in
action.

LIFE IS NOT FAIR….I GET IT!!!

January 1st, 2010

I know you probably like funny blogs better, but sometimes I just need to get things off my chest. Don’t
worry…for this blog you have a funny one to come…possibly with video of me making an ass out of myself while
playing a game on New Years Eve. HA!
My sisters and I know (probably better than most) that life is not fair. We know for certain that a few moments
can wreck your world and force you to learn to live life in a different way. We know that sometimes you just get
kicked when you are down. When you think things are at their worst you could be wrong. When things look up
you can easily get knocked back down a little. Knowing all these things means we have lived through some
awful times and come out on top or at least floating above water. I thank God almost daily for the way we
were raised for I’m certain that is how we have handled the cards life has dealt us. We are stronger for what
we have been through and will be stronger after each challenge. We accept that we adjust the way we live our
lives to get through. (Okay, totally possible my sisters don’t feel this way, but I think it is true of all of us…we
adjust, we are strong, we push through things, we survive.)
Now….I’m not sure why life has to keep proving that it is not fair to my sisters & I. Does it think we have not
gotten the message yet? Does it think we suddenly woke up and thought “wow, life sure is being fair to us
today,” and we kneed to be knocked down again? Well I have news…WE GET IT! My sisters and I all get
it…life is NOT fair and we do not need it proven to us over and over and over again. Yeah, we can handle it all,
we will roll with the punches, adjust and survive…I just don’t want to anymore. I’m tired!!!
So what has prompted this? A call before a family dinner that our sister (not a sister by blood, a sister who is
more than that, she grew up with us and is a part of us) and her husband’s baby girl died at 4 months and 24
days completely out of the blue. WTF?! Are you kidding??? My sister & her husband were amazing parents.
Sometimes you look at pictures and see smiling faces…you looked at pictures of them and their baby and it
was love. James always had the goofy happy grin like he just found the best thing in the world when he was
holding Molly. Liz..well I got to see her in action with Molly and it was pure joy and love. Liz took amazing care
of herself in not the easiest of pregnancies and a healthy baby girl was her reward. Molly was loved and
adored by not only Liz and James, but the whole family including my sisters and I. Yes, we are not family by
blood, we are real family, unconditional love family, the family that gets you through life.
Needless to say my sisters & I were wrecked with this call. Thank heavens we were together when that call
came (things like that I don’t think are by accident). We were so upset that we were not in CA to be with
everybody in their greatest time of need. I was horrified that this girl who I had just watched Christmas videos
of took a nap and never woke up. How can a little girl so loved be taken away?! Yeah, life isn’t fair, I get it!
Then the thought of what Liz and James are going through. I have no idea how awful that would be, but I can
use my imagination with what I’ve been through losing my family and it is not good. This news broke me. For
the next 24hrs I cried as hard and as often as I did when my family died in the plane crash. Now that is bad.
And if that was me, what about Liz and James and the rest of the family? It is still to awful to comprehend.
Sisters and I go into survival mode. We talk about how awful it is, what terrible hours are dragging on for them,
how we need to be there and when is the right time to get on that plane. We look up flights we talk about what
to do. Nothing…there is absolutely nothing you can do to help people who just lost family, especially their
precious little girl. I think the worst part is I know you can’t say anything to make things better, you can’t make
things better and that hurts. We call some of our family including Amy & Dionne and they go into support mode
to pull us through. My sisters and I all agreed that something more should have happened to us. We have
been tested, we know we can get through the worst of times and we keep getting kicked, so why make others
go through such pain, just pile it on us and we will find a way to deal. While we don’t want life to continue to be
proven unfair we would gladly take more if our family didn’t have to go through it.
Arrangements to get to San Francisco are made. We make sure the family knows we love them and we are
coming and we are sorry we can not be there now. We get a little bit closer with the family our parents created
for us…the neighborhood group is in full force and ready to go pull our family through the worst moments of
their lives. Thankfully our parents were amazing and built this family that I am a part of. Dang…I am adjusting
life once again to make it through. At the gym the morning after the news my biggest accomplishment was
stopping the tears every time they started to flow. Been a long time since I’ve been there!
Family…my sisters and I continue to build our family. Jamie, Nashon, and Isabell are a big part of our family. I
heard this news and I wanted to hug Isabell who I’m thankful is an amazing 14month old with amazing parents.
Jamie helped me get through life after the accident and our friendship has become family and she is there for
me no questions asked and now her husband is as well, I’m a lucky girl. After the gym I went over and Jamie
greeted me with a big hug & Isabell snuggled with me (with a little encouragement from her parents). As good
as it felt to be there and hold Isabell and talk to Jamie & Nashon it was feeling awful thinking of the little girl I
held in September, the only time I would get to hold M-Cubed. I am thankful for being able to hold little
Molly and see the love that her life was full of for the short time she was here.
My sisters and I will be with our family in CA in a couple days and it will be rough. We will get through and do
our best to make sure our family gets through this hard time. I think my sisters and I understand this is not the
end of this battle for our family and our job as sisters to Liz & James is not done when we come back home, we
will have to be there next week, next month, for months down the road. Yes, of course we have already talked
about when we are going back to spend more time with them and I think we have decided around when that will
be. I just hope that this is the only thing proving life is not fair for quite a while because I really do need a
break. I know life isn’t fair now just let me and my family deal with what we’ve got before we get kicked again!

BLANK POST-IT

December 22nd, 2009

Those who know me may know that sometimes I don’t remember things very well. I’m dependent on my
Google calendar, notes to myself, lists, I text or email myself things to remember. I don’t think I was always
like this, but it has been years. It isn’t because I’m old because I’m not really old. I don’t know why I can’t
remember some things because I remember random things that definitely don’t help me on a daily basis.
Post-its are a great invention. I use a lot of them at work to write people notes so that I don’t ruin the actual
document I’m giving them. At work I also use them to write myself notes and I’ll stick them on my water bottle
or on my purse so I don’t forget them. I use them at home to write things I’m supposed to do or groceries I’m
supposed to buy. So many uses! Well the other day I found myself staring at a blank post-it.
How does one go from having a thought to write something down to remember to a blank post-it in front of
them?! I had something to remember so I got a post-it. The phone rang so I put the post-it on my notepad in
front of my phone and started talking on the phone. I had a pen in hand as I usually do when I answer the
phone at work so I could have easily written a quick note on my post-it, but I didn’t. I hung up the phone after
only a few short moments and noticed a post-it on my pad. Hmm…why was there a blank post-it on my pad?!
I must have had something to write on it. Then I got that there is something I wanted to do, but I don’t
remember what it was feeling. So I sat there staring at a blank post-it with a pen in my hand. How did I
honestly forget that I got the post-it & stuck it on my pad and more importantly what did I intend to wrtie on it?!
Is it possible my post-it method had failed me?!
Then I started thinking about how I really should not have forgotten what I was doing in such a short time. You
know how you lose things from your mind. Like when you are downstairs in the kitchen and remember
something upstairs so you go to grab it and halfway up the stairs you realize you have no idea why you are
going upstairs. Come on…I know this has happened to you before! (If it hasn’t now would be a fantastic time
to lie to me to make me feel better.)
I used to have a sharp memory. I used to be able to get a post-it and remember what to write on it! I still have
a sharp memory on some things, but how did I lose it on basic life skills. So strange. I have learned to cope
with this though or so I thought. My Google calendar, post-its, multiple lists have been serving me well. At
least until this blank post-it incident. Now I may have to re-think my strategy.
iPhones are fabulous. I can easily access my Google calendar and that almost always keeps me from double
booking. iPhone also has this great little feature called a notepad. I thought this would be a good way to
remember, but the thing is I never remember to actually look at the notepad for anything I’ve written. In
Australia I used it for notes to my blog and that worked, but as far as random notes to jog my
memory…useless when you don’t remember to look at the notes!
A concern I have is I’m about to start school again. I’ll be back at UW for project management. Yes, I can still
get accepted by UW! The thing that worries me is I struggled a little with the memory thing when I started UW
Business School back in 2001. I pulled through, but I had not been on a multiple year break from school. I’m
sure tests will be more of a challenge and I’ll have to come up with a better way to remember things. I feel like
I may need to buy a pack of post-its and highlighters and things to go into the new backpack I bought for AU
(the first backpack I have bought since high school, I got one for high school graduation as a present and I used
it up until AU).

I’m sure I will manage just fine. I will learn to not leave blank post-its around. Maybe I’ll get more tech savy
with my mind and learn to use notes on iPhone. Who knows. Suggestions are welcome.

HOLIDAY EMOTIONAL MESS

December 21st, 2009

Well if I was not looking at a calendar, weather, crazy shoppers, decorations etc. I could probably still tell you it
is holiday time. It is like there is this internal thing in me that stirs up my emotions around this time of year. I
tell myself that each year I’m a little stronger when it comes to dealing with my whole family not being here at
holiday time, but each year I’m reminded I am broken. I break down over silly things, different things than the
year before, thoughts creep into my mind to make me weaker, I have this sense of loss that seems to get a
little stronger and I become this holiday emotional mess.
A couple weeks ago I was driving to my friends house for cookie day and I put in a CD and when listening to
one of the songs I just broke down and cried and cried and cried. All the while thinking man this is ridiculous,
I’m still crying in the car at random times! One would think I would be over that by now, but it seems to never
go away. Now…I must say this has improved. For about a year after the accident when I was alone in my car
and left to my own thoughts I would always think of my family and cry. Now when I’m left to my own thoughts in
my car about 99% of the time my family is in my thoughts, but I don’t cry anymore, well not much. However,
around the holidays the tears seem to flow on a more regular basis. Argh!
Then there are pictures. Oh my goodness I have a love/hate relationship with pictures around holidays. I
LOVE looking at pictures of my family. I like to remember the smiles, laughter, and good times, I see the
pictures and then I have to fight tears. Deep breaths! It is craziness. 8 years after and some feelings are so
fresh. I was showing Nina, who was visiting from Tanzania, my house. When in the office she saw a picture of
Becky & Troy and asked where my Mum & Dad’s picture was, so I picked up the frame holding the famous
flannel pants photo and showed her. I had to fight back the tears, it was ridiculous! Are you kidding me?! I
can’t even pick up a picture without crying?! She said they were beautiful and I must agree. I did get an early
birthday present on Saturday from Jamie, Nashon, and Isabell who are a big part of my life. They worked with
my sisters on getting some pictures and gave me this huge frame with many pictures. I almost cried when I
opened it. Really?! I’m 32 and can’t hold it together! WTF?! Oh, and in case you are wondering, yes I have
tears when typing this. Holiday emotional mess. (Amy, it makes me feel better you have seen pictures of my
family lately and cry.)
Traditions. Memories of traditions. New traditions. Thought of future traditions. All a little tough when your
family unit is not whole. Christmas Eve dinner, Christmas morning breakfasts made by Dad, family time, all us
sisters messing around, fresh baking, rum sauce (I never liked it), stockings before breakfast, so many little
things. My sisters and I carry on some traditions, we have started some new ones to keep us going through
the holidays, and I’m sure more changes are to come. I think my sisters and I have done a fantastic job
embracing traditions, new and old, and have rolled with the punches. Doesn’t mean it is ever easy for us.
I know I have a home for Christmas with certain family and friends. It is not the same though. I have no
definite plans for Christmas day and I honestly have no desire to make definite plans. What a strange place to
be. Most my shopping is done. It is still weird not having parents, Becky & Troy to buy for. Sometimes I see
the perfect gift for them. Buying stocking stuffers for my sisters still seems a little wrong. I love being able to
buy stocking stuffers for my sisters, but it makes me sad that my parents are not the ones doing it for us.
Happy and sad over silly little things. Like I said, I’m a holiday emotional mess!
I am so thankful for my sisters, bro-in-law, the Fauseys and good friends. They are my family. I think my close
friends who never had the opportunity to meet my parents, Becky, and Troy miss them a little around the
holidays thanks to my sisters and I talking about them as well as pictures and videos they have seen. My
sisters & I are blessed with this family we have built over the years and they are helping us create new holiday
memories.
The holiday season is full of ups and downs. Many happy thoughts with some moments of sadness. I tell you
from Nov. 21, Becky’s birthday, through Christmas is a tough time with all that goes on. I am mostly happy and
I will celebrate the season, and I will enjoy the memories that continue to be made. I’ll do it with some sadness,
some moments of weakness, some sense of loss. So many emotions rolled into one and I think it is fair to say
I can sometimes be a holiday emotional mess!
I’ll be celebrating what would have been Troy’s 36th birthday with family tonight. I had an amazing birthday
thanks to my sisters, close friends, and some family. My life is good overall and I refuse to forget that. 4 days
from Christmas and no solid plans…bring it on!

CHRISTMAS LIGHTS GO OUTSIDE? SAYS WHO?

December 10th, 2009

I’ve been slowly pulling out Christmas decorations. Slowly because I still have stuff hanging around from my trip. My
guestroom has random stuff on the bed and floor that I haven’t put away. It would only take me a few minutes to clean, but
I haven’t bothered doing it. I have my backpack laying on my bedroom floor with about a third of what was in it from the
plane. I have some other random stuff around that. I have one more decoration left up from my sisters & friends decorating
my house. Multi-colored stars can be considered Christmas can’t they?
The first thing I pulled from the garage was my pair of white spiral trees I love these trees. I don’t know why, but it is my
favorite. They are meant to go outside, but I like them so much that I keep them inside. At first I put them by my front
window so people could see them, but now they are in front of my fireplace where nobody but me can see them. If I spend

the money on them why shouldn’t I be the one to enjoy them? I love having them on when I’m doing stuff in the kitchen,
watching TV or reading. I call them my Christmas trees since I don’t have an actual tree.
I bought a new light tree the other day. This tree has LED lights that string from the top to a large circle bottom. Nancy
and Sue-Lynn helped me untangle lights and put it together lastnight. The lights go between white and blue and it has a
star at the top that also lights up. This tree is bright and I love the way it looks. I did buy it to go on my front lawn, but now I
want to keep it in my house to look at. It is turned on in the dining room right now. Maybe I should expand my kitchen table
and put it on that and use it instead of the chandelier for the holiday season.
I have no lights outside at the moment. I did buy some LED snowflakes to put on my fence. I’ve never put lights on my
house since the front faces a small side street. I’ve put blue & white lights along my fence and a couple of the front trees.
However I didn’t do any lights last year. I just keep thinking if I take the time to pull them out and put them out I have to take
the time to take them down and put them away. So much effort for such a short time! I will eventually get out into the
freezing cold weather and put up my new snowflakes, hopefully I have enough and they look okay. I’m also considering
buying another LED tree to put by my front door so people outside can enjoy because I can’t bring myself to move the tree
from my dining room….yet! I know I have to move it, maybe just to the front window.
Who decided Christmas lights should go outside anyway? I like looking at my trees in my house.
If you are stuck on the fact that I don’t have a tree up, I feel it is a lot of unnecessary work. My family never comes to my
house for Christmas, I go to their homes. I like looking at Christmas trees, but they take so long to set up and take down.
And there is that little detail that I never remember to water living things in my home so it dies quickly. When I did have a
roommate and a tree I did make a point of remembering to water it and well, it barely made it through Christmas.
I kinda feel the same about most of my decorations including the lights and garland that I bought to go on my stairs. It looks
great when it is up, but it is so much effort. Okay, really not that much effort, just something I’m not feeling like spending
time on. Yeah, maybe I’m lazy. I did just finish my first batch of chocolates and am halfway through the second.
Chocolates take a long time to make, but everybody seems to want them and I don’t mind eating a few.
Well that is all for now. I bought Eggnog and Vanilla Icecream so I’m going to my myself an Eggnog milkshake. A real
milkshake which I have been wanting since I came home from Australia because their idea of a milkshake is mixing flavor
with milk and throwing a spoonful of icecream on the bottom. Mmm….milkshake. Good thing I spent 2 hours at the gym
today because you know I’m not doing low-fat Eggnog…its the holidays people! Eat & drink & be merry or something like
that!